Help for the helpLESS..

“ADVICE is what we ask for when we ALREADY know the answer,

But wish we didn’t”—Erica Jong

Let’s be honest, no one really wants advice.

Seriously, whether it is from our parents, siblings, a bestfriend or our homegirl/boy; we listen to what they have to say, but 9 times out of 10 what they have to say simply aggravates us even more.

And why, why is it that we even ask for advice, if in all actuality we’re not even trying to hear it?

Simple.  Because ADVICE is merely the ANSWER we ACKNOWLEDGED all along, but have yet to ACCEPT.  That is, until someone like that bestfriend comes ALONG, points out the problem, EVEN gives solutions (like the puzzle is that easy to solve), and begins to subconsciously judge you for not acting on this sooner.

It’s HUMAN NATURE.  We’re all guilty of it (both ends of the spectrum).  We KNOW what the problem is, even, the answer, but hearing it from others makes it vivid, evident, and that’s when it begins to become A PROBLEM.

So why bother?  Why help someone who doesn’t want to be helped?  Well, that’s where things begin to get complicated.  Because it’s not that the person doesn’t want to be “helped”, but that they need to be encouraged.  They NEED to know that “things will be okay” and “get better”.  To them, you are the punching bag as they vent, who is simply supposed to stand there and take it.  No judgments, no expectations, and definitely no confrontations because they get enough of that on the home front.

Well, here’s where I add my 2 cents..

As my mother used to say, “Sometimes you have to let that baby touch the stove for themselves, telling them it’s hot only makes them want to do it more!”

Help for the helpless is hopeless.  One must live to learn and can only do that by learning to live.  You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves, and honestly, should not feel liable to do so.  Until that person is Able to Acknowledge the Actions Ahead of them and Accept it, nothing you say will matter.  Harsh? No, not at all.  It’s the TRUTH.  All you can do is give your stance on the situation and wait for them to come to their own personal understanding (hopefully, not too little too late).  Be there for them, tell them what they DON’T want to hear and leave it alone.  Either they will learn from it or learn to continue to live the lie.

Amberly Moore

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